CASE NUMBER #0039
Often a person ventures to a graveyard to seek either closure or to have a fond remembrance, though there’s other reasons always, however here is the infamous DOA cemetery, a land of regret and willful moans of WTF. These movies are truly answering the age-old-question, what is the worst film ever, as one recalls in this column so often a viewer or even a horror fan commonly uses the phrase “that was the most wretched crap ever,” but was it really, no redeeming qualities, well they rarely walk the land of the dead. This month, I have located a new grave, for a 1985 flick called Reel Horror, obviously referring to the old method of how movies were shipped from one theater to another, those heavy cannisters; one truly wishes they never opened them, but alas it did happen. Those responsible for this mess, is first director Russ Hagen, who directed two films in the horror genre B.O.R.N.  and Click: The calendar Girl Killer , and a total of eight films overall; and screenwriter Jeanne Lucas, with her only writer credit. Russ’ production company, the Movie Outfit, served as the sole backer to the film, with distribution from Miracle Pictures in 2005 for DVD release and then Shapiro Entertainment handling all other methods.
AUTOPSY OF THE FILM:
I’m a little unsure how to begin this review, the opening has comical fonts, and a voiceover starts with informing the audience that “The Movie Outfit presents Reel Horror” well duh, we all read it on the screen, while warning us of a truly horrible viewing experience. Then notifying everyone it’s in 2D with no special effects, it’s one thing to treat viewers to a lousy storyline and thinking they’re idiots, but even worse to flat out broadcast it. Let’s see if this plot makes any sense, ghosts escape from the movies or their cannisters, and the camera spends about two-plus-minutes on a film reel with heavy breathing broadcasting loudly (ohhh scary) inside a projectionist room, at a movie theater and begin causing chaos.
It has a hard cut to Hecate (someone in their only acting role known as Alexandra) and her assistant Irving (John Hayden) entering a fog filled hallway to meet Murray Mogul ((Howard Honig (Curse of the Black Widow )), a character trying an impression of Grandpa’s eyebrows and hairstyle, from The Munsters, and failing greatly at it. Then transition to a movie projectionist (Bob O’Neil) who has the willies however Hecate calms him down by state “they’re only movies” and suddenly sprung into a movie archival scene of Night Creature , with the dumbest set design of so-called filmgoers in the worst mock-up of a theater. These audience members likely in their own hell, forced to watch terrible movies with no salvation. There’s seven heavily edited 1970s movies about 15-minutes or less a piece, among them is Night Creature , which has excerpt of a Donald Pleasence scene, Daddy’s Deadly Darling (aka: The Pigs ), Cycle Psycho , Maxie  and Nicole , in addition, adding to the insult, no one can understand the plot to these films. The most vicious movie of the lot is Pigs, by director Marc Lawrence which, a few readers might recall his acting role in Hold that Ghost  and gives the quick glimpse of T&A, the film is known in some circle as a psychotic horror.
One must overlook the dumbest sing-along by following the bouncing head – I’m very serious. Just like Pleasence there’s few other actors that make the briefest cameos, with the strong regard their footage listed archival, among the Christopher George (Grizzly ), John Carradine (The Howling ) meanwhile those with a keen eye might caught Catherine Bach, best known for her role of Daisy Dukes, stars in Nicole. In the end this is complete trash!
FINDINGS OF POSSIBLE DEATH:
The old movie looks terrible but far better than the newer material, which is pathetic, likely it amounts to an awful 30-minutes, and aims at a lame jovial style. This isn’t just a low budget flick, likely the worst thing I’ve seen in quite some time, the miserable editing leaves a lot to be desired. Then add the poor sound production, and one has trouble understanding what anyone says, with the pitiful dialogue. Wait, there’s more in this growing laundry list of problems, besides the horrible acting, awful edit, the mindless costumes, and absent any encouraging effects.
Some might try overlook series of continuity errors, such as Hecate keeps switching his eye patch from the left to the right, back and not at all, oh a nod to Young Frankenstein  and Marty Feldman’s character Igor and the movable hump on his back, but the latter was comical genius at work, this is stale and lame. Sometimes, distorted fish-eye lenses work and as do unusual camera angles, however, needs to be a reason, not just because “cool look these camera settings and lenses – let’s play”, that’s merely classless, and thoroughly amateurish. Lastly, I am involving myself into the worthless and highly unprofessional film credits, that appear more as filler in some areas than a serious filmmaker truly thankful for everyone’s involvement.
SUMMARY OF CASE AND AUTOPSY:
There was a sequel planned, entitled Reel Monsters, thankfully never made, and simply one of the worst productions ever to attempt to entertain an audience. While some likely to argue it’s the worst movie ever made, sadly not their far greater pieces that do exist than this dreadful flick. As for those curious the DVD is still available though only on eBay with prices ranging from $4 to $18, nevertheless, one spends their precious dollars on this garbage, rather view the link below for the full movie – if you dare.
IMDb Rating: 1.7/10
Baron’s Rating: 1.5/10