When I saw the post for writing for The Horror Times, I though, wait could I do that, I’m not a writer, but I think why not, I mean there’s spell check, and the red lines among other colors brighten my white page, but I don’t want to just review something. Now, I’ve been a fan of Baron’s for while, I’m four years of listening to his Baron’s Crypt and then his many insane music broadcasting shows. Therefore, back to what I wanna to do, now I love Lists, it is like a checklist, you get 10 best, or 13, 15, 31, 50, 100 it sounds like an auction, but give it something more. I thought back to when my friends and I would list our top metal albums we owned and need to say why we like them, then it hit me, what if I did a sort of conversation piece, give a list stating my reasons for it and then ask Baron his opinion, cause he’s named a Horror Historian. This actually is the second attempt, I first just listed the films, but then realized I needed to have input on the films and a reason for them, wow this writing stuff is both hard but fun. Besides the editor, Baron stated I had to do it, and he’s right.
So for the first month, (and again thanks to Baron for the is chance) I’m choosing Worst Sequels
#1 – Troll 2 (1990)
I think this movie earns a spot on every worst movie list, it has no connection to the first movie, instead the family visits the town of Nilbog (goblin, oh so clever) nothing makes any sense.
#2 – Return of the Living Dead, Part II
The first one way cool, but the second same characters but different roles, and truly a silly storyline, I mean come on, the first ends with a great way to start the next one, so what do the producers scrap it all and start 4 more movies that stink like rotting corpses, though Part 3 gave a minor blip of hope.
#3 – Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)
This become that common theme, of terror in space, we had Jason X; Hellraiser: Bloodline; Critters 4; even Dracula got in on the act with Dracula 3000 (gonna avoid, Baron stating its on a DOA list… I think only Freddy, Michael and Leatherface never got their astronaut training). The Leprechaun gets whacked and reborn to a space marine and threatens to destroy a ship carry him, yeah it still makes no sense.
#4 – Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman
The first one, had the gusto of b-movie splendor but it was fun, this one gets you groans, with a snowman in the tropics,
#5 – Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1987)
Lots of people slam the first one, cause it slams Christmas and Santa Claus, but as Baron often states Nightmare on Elm Street came out 2-weeks later and no outcry as Freddy was killing first children and later teens. But anyway this movie uses many flashbacks and
#6 – Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
I call this one a grab the cash scheme, its dull, insulting to the progress made in the first movie, presented in a too slick manner and just terrible.
#7 – Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Michael versus Busta Rhymes, its lame, silly, a group of college students chosen to investigate a Myers home, which doesn’t look like the original and thoroughly rigged for a ghost hunt story, with Mike racking up the kills, while appearing to look nothing like the true Michael. I think this movie is the worst of the franchise, beneath Rob Zombie’s movies.
#8 – American Psycho II: All American Girl (2002)
First, huh, there’s no Christian Bale, no Patrick Bateman, a crazy girl with delusions, striving for FBI position, and killing her competition no one noticing and William Shatner starring.
#9 – Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
Look I agree no way to follow up the greatness of the first movie, its good weird psychology babble, and the demon still within Regan, just resting (but we learned in Part 3, he took over the Gemini Killer). More hypnotic stuff to contact the demon’s past life experiences, wait that didn’t work in part one, someone almost lost his nerves and balls, this gonna be better – nope.
#10 – Friday the 13th, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Well this was to me a huge letdown, I mean look I’m a big Jason fan, and heard about this one was supposed to have a huge body count, but really it never made any sense, Jason X is better (not by much), seriously Jason, does his tough guy impression with punk (over the top dressing) guys and raising the mask, it’s funny not scary. He never really gets into a big body count.
Okay, this is a different approach, many of us comment privately on these lists, while just shrugging shoulders, but this method works a conversation. Therefore, looking at Vincent’s choices and reasoning. I would agree with him, I mean there’s a ton of options, one could include Piranha II: The Spawning, as they now fly, and this masterpiece comes from the man who would win Oscars for another sea faring adventure called Titanic, yep, James Cameron, though Psycho 4 (a good choice) I think was earns brownie points since I’m a big Hitchcock fan. As for the Friday the 13th Part 8, one scene I like the best is when he sees the hockey mask billboard and it says “meet the competition” Jason gives the Michael head tilt, and moves onward to his victims from the boat. However, his list is only 10, and everybody in horror knows it’s got to be 13. Hence, my inclusion and reasons why:
Jaws: The Revenge (1987), First it’s rare when a movie, permanently kills a franchise, however this movie made it become extinct, as it’s one large failure. A quick recap, Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary) convinced her husband, who died from a heart attack, that actually fear of shark attacks repeating. Now one of her sons is a police officer, killed by a shark, who knocked loose a dock piling and move it into the path of blocking the harbor entrance. That’s an incredible shark. She goes to The Bahamas with her other son Michael has flirt with Michael Caine and then stabs a shark with a big boat. HUH? WTF
The franchise has gone completely of the tracks and landed with yawns and groans, no Doug Bradley, then again, no actual plot, no understanding of the mythos,
Amityville 1992: It’s About Time, so where to begin, first many point to part 3, as the letdown, however likely most viewers and critics never know about the many sequels after the part, this one shows a messed up family from the father to daughter, a cheating girlfriend. A psychiatrist doctor, willing to lie, manipulate the records to lock up innocent people, great morals. Meanwhile a clock (supposedly from the Amityville house) goes back in time to transfer a room backwards, and slime ooze which transforms a good daughter into a slut, oh wait, the son reverts back to 5-year kid, before the film suddenly reverts back to beginning to start all over.