DOA Review Case #0102
Greetings, once more we enter into the land of DOA, where the films here find themselves buried in unmarked graves hidden by the overgrowth, this time it’s a misplaced case file #102. Why did that happen? Likely because it made the investigator have far too many headaches to complete the report, seriously it does happen. This movie comes from director Robert Elkins, who also contributed as producer, production manager, film editor, effects too and the writer of the script which originated by Jim Ayres (this movie marks his only film credit to date), but diving into the details one learns of the background of Zombie Croc. First, the production company is listed as Sector 5 Films often linked to distribution firm Reality Entertainment (RE), so what does mean? Well it’s part of Chemical Burn Entertainment and on the actual screen it states World Wide Multi Media / American Eyesore Films simply stated low independent status with a $1-million budget though unsure where it all went for the flick. However, worst yet it tallies over 100-minutes in length, referencing someone fell asleep at the editing station, because the pacing causes ughs, groans, sighs and possible headaches.
AUTOPSY OF THE FILM
Truly unsure where to start with this abomination, yet still a few clicks above other wretched corpses in the land of DOA, therefore in the back country of a Louisiana swamp, voodoo priest Poppa Chicken, actual character name portrayed by Ken Peebles performs a voodoo ritual over a crocodile heart, creating a zombie crocodile. Quickly moves onto three villainous individuals seeking to rape a woman, and in their failed attempt with a hitchhiker (Nina Starsja) the zombie croc awkwardly shreds them, even though realistically impossible as this animal chops on its prey. Never mind on the real details of the animal kingdom, completely unimportant, meanwhile Deputy Abigail Rivera (Crystal Howell) does the worst shooting of tin cans, from a distance, only to have superimposed CGI bullet holes place in the woods at close range, fret not she’ll discover numerous body parts and not realize they belong to a local Halloween store. At the same time her drunken father, The Sheriff (Jerry E. Long starring in his third zombie associated flick), dealing with forcing townsfolk to leave the swamp and their land, as a certain someone (spoiler, The Mayor (David S. Witt)) working with a Texas developer to buy it all cheaply; introduce also to his so-called assistant Betty (Brittney Scalf). As the mayor learns of the bodies, he and Betty use lines similar to Jaws (1975) involving a propeller’s blade, or a lawnmower, describing the reasons for bodies found on land, who cares, they don’t and neither does the script. Soon enough, the coroner calls in a ridiculous animal research team namely Safari Sam (Apryl Crowell), camerawoman Ashley (Alyssa Wheaton) and Mutabo (Charles Ray) with a little cage that couldn’t hold a baby croc, but anyway the plan goes wrong and the body count adds up quickly. Especially at the worst birthday party ever, including terrible singing and gifting moonshine, and one lost clown.
Nevertheless, more goes on in this never-ending flick, Sam gets taken by Poppa who transformed her into a zombie, by painting a skull on her face and rising more undead to attack the living. Soon enough a new hero appears its Crocodile Jack (Tony Jones) killing the undead with shots to the head. He’s also able to not only kill any croc but knows of this creature’s supernatural skill set, thank goodness, he read the script cause no way he knew this information. Rivera saves the day, don’t how just too silly!
CAUSE OF DEATH
While many low-budget productions, suffer for money restraints or location issues, they work tirelessly to create a solid script or least one that makes sense, this movie contains a terrible screenplay, poor dialogue delivery, and weak structure throughout the film. Most horror fans understand the basic concepts of voodoo dolls, a victim’s clothing or personal connect needed to work the spell, and alligators take residence in America’s swamps, not stating one needs to become an expert but basic research from Wikipedia couldn’t hurt their script. In addition, a horror film for the most part needs to work on emotion, and someone to root for, none of that exists, in fact it extends to lack of tension, excitement or even convincing action. The effects suffer from usage of plastic weapons and toys, crocodile most POV from inside the mouth, and its oversized red and yellow eyes incredibility fake looking cause no laughs just eye rolling. Lastly, the pacing, slow and dull, tell the story in the straightest method possible.
SUMMARY OF INVESTIGATOR
As a final warning, avoid the movie at all costs, the humor fails constantly, the storyline muddles the screen often, and the worst fighting sequences. Sadly, the film, tries to connect its other quality movies with quick references such as Crocodile Dundee (1986) and even Phantasm (1979) with a nod to Morningside Cemetery. Worst of all the film promises a potential sequel with a crocodile’s egg hatching, thankful no smell-o-vision yet exits. A last bit of trivial, for the zombie subgenre fans many of cast members starred in other Elkins’ films entitled Zombie Isle (2014), which had higher ratings of 2.7 over this flick and as did the movie Zombthology (2008).
IMDb Rating: 2.1/10
Baron’s Rating: 1.7/10