DOA Review Case #0101
Once more we venture into the wasteland of the wretched movie creation, lying in an another unmarked grave with director Mark Polonia’s Sharkenstein, an obvious combination of sharks and Frankenstein, done in the cheapest and poorest manner possible, clocking in at a mere 73-minutes. The popularization of shark movies continues to multiply each year with only a select few bursting through the calm surfaces namely from The Shallows (2016) and 47 Meters Down (2017), this film far from succession in the positive. Why because the movie generates mismatch with continuity between multiple scenes, as well as pointless dialogue, silly characters and must not omit the lame CGI effects. If you have seen one Polonia film you know exactly what to expect and if not then this autopsy shall assist to identify the issues, especially when discovering his other films Land Shark (2017), Amityville Exorcism (2017) and Bigfoot vs. Zombies (2016). The two latter films mentioned serve as the returning crew of actor from his previous productions, which become increasing popular in DIY projects. Once again, he’s aided by the distribution of Wild Eye Releasing and their strong following with fans as well as their true support for these films.
AUTOPSY OF THE FILM:
In final days of World War II, (a Nazi exploitation subplot – it doesn’t help) a secret experiment to weaponized sharks to kill the Third Reich, they in turn discover this plot and aim to seize the experiment control. The cuts amazingly quick to modern day with an insane (sort-of) Nazi scientist Jeff Kirkendall (Klaus) continuing the work of the experiments from over 60-years ago. Now onto your britches this is really strange, (I know even more, YES) because the sharks use the Frankenstein monster’s heart and brain, which of course is more confusing but really does it all matter? In a small town near a supposed harbor has many bodies parts (limbs from a Halloween store) washing up on the shores. Some are the repeat actors of Polonia films, James Carolus (Skip), Greta Volkove (Madge) and of course Steve Diasparra as the Nazi General, all three there best to achieve some thrills, but the script and plot fails greatly, the image of the shark – ugh. Klaus continues the same follies as Dr. Frankenstein using a bad brain and thereby unable to control the shark, one would think all the films would relieve this mistake. The likely most outrageous moments comes from when the shark goes on land to have relations of sorts with a woman, no kidding it happens.
One brief redeeming quality of the film comes from repeat references to both Universal Studios’ Frankenstein movies as well as Hammer Films Studio, tally at over 10 films, though honestly unsure if many viewers will look for the reference that deeply.
CAUSES OF DEATH:
One cannot forgot the strange jump to a scuba diving shot, which seems like stock footage, and thoroughly misplaced in the film, then again a slight change of the CGI shark and the mad doctor’s house, very apparent what they are to the viewers. The special effects come custody of both puppet skills and more computer enhancing work making the screen turn red for the kill sequences. A few more lessons required in post-production for gunshot sounds and muzzle flashes. The continuity issues really apparent with the scene of a trio of friends swimming across (obvious lake) and arriving on the land, after the boat breaks down fully dressed in dry clothing. Lastly, most of what appears on the cover art, doesn’t occur in this movie, such as the fighter jets, the submarine or the bikini clad girls on surfboards let alone the ocean, and that shark just a tad too well done for the real thing shown in this film.
SUMMARY FROM INVESTIGATOR:
Sharkenstein, attempts to harken back to fifties style films, which often found themselves slapped together with string, tape and cranked out at a feverish pace, but it fails to achieve that level, in fact Ed Wood Jr’s movies look at tad better. However, for all the cheesy scenes and horrendous special effects there appears to be quite a few drinking games associated with the films, honestly best to leave the film buried for another 100 years.
IMDb Rating: 2.4/10
DOA Rating: 1.9/10