CHOMPFEST 2024

CASE NUMBER #100

This is a movie I like to use that noun very loosely when describing this outrageous smelly carcass laying on the shores of the DOA graveyard it could not manage to flounder itself into an open grave. It officially lacks any semblance of what a movie is, a series of fragmented pieces is not worthy of anyone’s time or eyes, except mine therefore allow this to serve as the investigation report and review. At a cursory glance, the box artwork and appearance looks like a gonzo shark film, like The Last Shark [1981] see for your comparison; that film is perhaps the most notorious rip-off flick ever. However, unlike the thorough rip-off of the namesake Jaws [1975] this one deployed the original title of Jaws in Japan but is incredibly frustrating to view. It was directed by John Hijiri and with a so-called script by Yasutoshi Murakawa and subtitles by Bobby White.

Another significant problem for a 70-minute film is when it cannot determine what genre it is, most horror films will have three, this one has nine… NINE… seriously there’s Action, Adventure, Comedy, Crime, Drama, Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi, and Thriller.

AUTOPSY OF THE FILM:

Where to start is ideally the toughest aspect as nothing truly makes any sense, we open with what appears to be found footage, but the filming is all sloppy, and it points first to three girls and then a fourth person involved – but who? Then a series of abrupt cuts of CGI created moonlight sky and a very close-up of someone’s eye and back to the sky back to the eye and lightning and then into a room, Um – WTF! The girl in a towel sits in a darkened room and begins watching the television and we see the same footage that started the film. Yeah, so what? The picture becomes static as if Poltergeist homage was inferred before more rapid interlace cuts of random violence, some bloody and the girls pathetic acting. Oh, the girl has a dull unfazed reaction; she must know the viewers are reacting the same way.

Then the opening credits roll from a helicopter footage as a hard rock track plays music that eerily sounds like Jaws legendary themed music, a quick CGI shark shape appears in the lower right corner, before the title Psycho Shark appears, It is here the main portion of the film starts with Miki (Nomani Takizawa) and Mai (Airi Nakajima) ride in the back of a pickup truck hollering wildly for no apparent reason, the inane dialogue gives the suggestions they had been hitchhiking their way to the beach.

Oh wow a photo!

The girls arrive at the beach finding a Polaroid photo of the previously unnamed girls in the sand, – it’s not weathered or damaged, so that happens. They are greeted by hotel work to escorts to the dullest deary room possible and gives them video camera to record their memories, however the cinematographer and director must have been very height challenged or like James Cameron as he includes a shot of boots/footwear in his films with style, this flick clearly doesn’t have that. The sequence is of the sand, legs and feet – wow someone has an obsession and desire to present their foot fetish.

As the ladies change into bathing suits, no nudity is shown, but they go from high up in the corner to swinging about in the room. Inventive camera angles need a reason or an importance to have them. They start talking about finding cute guys Mai speaks about Kenji and then strangely films a radio.

Wow, there’s so much boredom…

Time for a lengthy exterior shot of the hotel while the girls hit the beach and model their swimsuits running about to suggest T&A, they film each other then suddenly through angles change again, so someone is film ruining what little found footage existed. Such terrible camera work, God awful!

Another bizarre sequence of Mai showering in her bikini indoors though the way it’s done clearly someone is standing far too close to make for an uncomfortable shoot. While Miki connected the camcorder to the television to just watch random stuff the script is dull and the character mindless where is Shark Exorcist [2015] that was terrible but not this bad – well maybe – at least it was filmed properly. Cue the dramatic music, she found those girls videotape so let’s watch that instead. One thing is clear nothing exists outside of this location for the girls, it’s a vacuous place, meanwhile Miki continues the endless loop of watching the previous vacationers’ tape and fast forwarding through the mundane portions, since she has the emotionless expressions of being bored. So are we!

“No One is Here”

As Scooby Doo says “Ruh-roh!” Meanwhile we encounter our second shark sighting, a tiny chrome shark while witnessing a bunch of guys from the knees down as read the subtitles of handing over tapes and a promise of the usual stuff.

None of this makes any sense, no one is in the ocean for any extra time, and it does happen the water is too cold and thy are in up to their knees. Finally at the end of a jetty Kenja falls into the ocean and the girls flee in terror as horrendous, terrible CGI gigantic shark rises from the water its bigger than The Meg [2018] it then launches itself into the air and swoops down, though appears to change size, from the sky swallow both girls, another camcorder operator and Kenji.

In the aftermath the camera lays on the rocks covered in blood and hermit crab making a cameo appearance. Hi Hermie!

Its Hermie!

Is it over? I wish, the camera switches on to show Mai and Miki talk about making memories it turns off as someone picks it up and once more we are in the dingy hotel room with the girl watching tapes. Oh, get a life!

Sadly, the autopsy of this so-called movie raises more questions what is the plot and what does it have to do with a Psycho Shark? The chrome shark, is it a reference to their cult or a secret worship of this monster? But how come not ever sees it the shark shown in silhouette at the beginning isn’t the same size. Honestly, who really cares… this is horrible.

FINDINGS OF POSSIBLE DEATH:

Weather Report – Clouds are Scary!

The first major issue with the filming of the flick comes from the cinematography which makes no sense on a few aspects namely the director of photography Yasutaka Nagano is no hack, he worked many films before this one and continues his career but the footage we are shown is often of the knees and down. I mean I can understand no one wants their face on this crappy movie but still how interesting is looking at the sand for over a minute. Now perhaps if you are an individual with a foot fetish then this is for you as we get a lot of bare feet appearing and few cleavage shots. There are transitional shots of the clouds are we supposed to figure out what kind they are cumulus or stratus or others? They deploy found footage, but the angles get stranger if only three girls are present how can the angle be shown from a fourth person’s perspective – oops we were not supposed to think or even count. Ah shucks! The lighting is often not balanced, either too dark or causing the lovely models to turn orange, especially in the shower.

More Cloud Coverage – Exciting

But wait, there are even more problems the editing for example is extreme disjointed, scenes don’t exactly make any sense and cause problematic situations for the viewer, one could dismiss it as inexperienced as this is only the third film Masakazu Ohashi had done. All it aided atrocious dialogue, sometimes I think it’s improvised though if you sought a few adjectives to say in Japanese then this could be help but really – why bother just use an app. Oh the fat of the padding is too much to handle, it all feels very bloated.

Crazy Filming – No one told them hold to hold a camera

I examined the plot summary for a film listed on IMDb and this reveals two major discrepancies, the first one provided by Cinema Epoch is a bit closer to the fragmented storyline than the other from Max Eisenberg.

Cinema Epoch:

Beautiful girls are in danger. At Sunny Beach, a huge shark is waiting for his prey. College students Miki and Mai arrive on a private beach on a tropical island. They can’t find the hotel where they booked their reservations, and have gotten hopelessly lost, until a handsome young man shows up, offering to take them to his lodge. But something is not right about the place. The owner’s fingernails are tainted with blood and Miki feels something sinister lurking nearby.

There’s no clear indication that they can’t find the hotel reservations or got lost, let alone having check them in a lodge and it’s a parallel that the key man in the film is the owner more of killer of convinces and involved in other shady sh!t.

Now for Max’s his is farfetched nonsense as none of it relates to this film:

In Japan Scientists for the last couple of decades have been doing research on Megalodon the Ancestor to that of Charcaradon Carcarius aka The Great White Shark. It turns out that they are having success and have been raising one that was cloned from a Megalodon’s DNA and the DNA was genetically programmed into the eggs of a Great White Shark Female and that egg was placed in an artificial womb where it was allowed to grow then when it was born it was placed in an extraordinarily oversized tank. However, the Shark has found a way to escape from the tank and get into the Sea of Japan. Now being a new shark and all it’s very hungry and it needs some very real meals!

First, the formal species name he uses isn’t even spelled correctly and that takes 3-seconds to confirm which should be Carcharodon carcharias and secondly, there’s absolutely nothing about anything involving cloning a Megalodon’s DNA being transplanted into a shark and overgrowing confines and escaping, Now all of this sounds a hell of lot better than what one witness in this god damn fucking crappy shithole of crapfest of stinker movie.

SUMMARY OF CASE AND AUTOPSY:

Clearly not a film to be taken seriously it’s not going to excite anyone, one thing is clear it’s a boring film, and there’s even a portion of the viewer watching from the television’s point of view watching a girl watching the screen. Psycho Shark I think is to reference a land shark, i.e., human serial killer, though why include the dumb look great white it plays at times as a murder mystery and very weak. Random shots of blood and violence a goofy setup homage to Psycho [1960] shower scene. In the Japanese culture there is a sub-market for watching swimsuit models such as Nomani Takizawa run, bounce, laugh and even shower in her bathing suit, but that has no bearing on the sharksploitation subgenre. The questions remain who is the film for and why was it financed, nothing creative occurs the shark inclusion is an afterthought. It is always suggested that there is lesson in a movie the director wants to convey and I did locate just one, the character Miki gets bored with a videotape she finds and fast forwards, – CLUE- fast forward to the last 2 minutes of film watch stupidly make CGI shark and quick blood on jetty rocks and click off. It is the final recommendation to bury this stinky heap of garbage not worthy of chumming it a pure insult to anyone who sees it.

Stop Looking Amazed at the Rating!

TAGLINE:

• Underwater Terror!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1786635/

IMDb Rating: 1.5/10

Baron’s Rating: 0.5/10