Normally, I refrain from watching this sort of production, with seriousness, but since it was on the Visions of Horror for March 2021, I had to commit my eyes and limited attention to this television movie, which received airplay on both Chiller (now defunct) and of course Syfy home to some of the goofiest horror film premieres. First one would hope it was about prehistoric oversized spiders thawing from a previous ice age, but sadly no, and that’s the first of a few no’s the entertainment factors of in serious jeopardy, because of a weak script and excessively poor special effects. It’s shocking when one sees that the director is Tibor Takas, yes, the same person who made the classic horror films I, Madman [1989] and The Gate [1987] and Eric Miller (Mask Maker [2011]) penned the screenplay, which lists the genres incorporated for this flick in this order Action, Adventure, Comedy and Horror, all working to grab your attention.
First, while the artwork shows a giant looking spider that isn’t on the scale of Tarantula [1955], rather similar to the size of those Eight-Legged Freaks [2002], and the CGI creations. The film starts with two hunters Rocky and Bob, who encounter a gray spider the size of a large pooch and run into a German shepherd-sized, ash-gray spider, its movement is skittish, of course of fearless warriors try to shoot thinking it’ll make a wonderful, mounted trophy, but no surprise their demise without an ounce of terror. The opening act does nothing to entertain or capture the audience’s attention, it’s just there, dullness. We learn about a major and popular ski resort location on Lost Mountain, in Logan County, Utah, it’s where we meet our future hero in the movie, Dan “Dash” Dashiell (Patrick Muldoon (Starship Troopers [1997])) a former Olympic hopeful now teaching wealthy goof-offs. Oh, by the way, there’s nearly no staff at this ultra-exclusive luxury resort. As a school bus of hopeful Olympic champions shows up their coach greets long-time friend and owner of the lodge Frank Stone (Stephen J. Cannell) we get a glimpse of a show-off teen Chad Brown (Noah Bastian). Meanwhile in the same area a government lab hides strange experiments, where Dr. April Sommers (Vanessa A. Williams (Candyman [1992])) along with others modifying and enhancing spiders for no true apparent reason, then again in these movies, motives are timewasters. Once she returns to the headquarters and realizes the altered spiders escaped and killed everyone, hence she calls in a special forces unit. The commando team headed Captain Baker (Thomas Calabro (They Nest [2000])) and aided by Prof Marks (David Millbern (The Slumber party Massacre [1982])). Then the story flips back to Dash meeting Ranger Rick (K. Danor Gerald) House of Fears [2007])) who accompanies him to find the missing hunters, first Dash locates a mutilated elk and then bloodied shredded corpses. Once everyone comes at the lodge, it’s very easy how it’s all going to turn-out, from the foolish attempt to flee in the school bus to killing a spider with antlers and then using a snow cannon and so much more to defeat the enemy – sort-of, the commandos issue an official story present a cover-up conclusion. Lastly, there is one nifty scene where a spider sucks up quite a bit of a man’s intestines, sadly one tasty moment doesn’t save an entire film.
The dialogue lacks significantly so much that one could design a drinking game for every time it states “totally” and “shred,” then there’s the placement and usage of stock footage, though nice scenery in Salt Lake City. While one can dwell on the subject of poor storytelling, the larger issue is one actor in this movie Cannell, was his final on-screen movie appearance, at the time of filming he was battling cancer; passed on in 2010.
There isn’t much occurring in the movie to warrant one’s attention, it isn’t cheesy or thoroughly not scary, the CGI of the soldiers has them in multiple colors and species. If you wonder if you should watch let’s just say that its better than Arachnicide [2014] another TV-movie, but really view either Eight-Legged Freaks or Big Ass Spider both with well-measure humor, excitement, and best of all entertainment value.
TAGLINE:
- Hell Has Just Frozen Over.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0840304/
IMDb Rating: 3.1/10
Baron’s Rating: 3.0/10
If you really want to see the movie you can watch it here:
https://tubitv.com/movies/475830/ice-spiders?start=true